Acceptance

We were at a dinner party. One person said, "So since all of these people you know are getting pregnant, does that make you really want to get pregnant?"

No more than usual.

Someone else chimed in, "Yes, I hear that having a second pregnancy can be really good for peoples' diabetes."

Well, since type one diabetes is not curable, I doubt it would work for me.

Arg. I walked out of the room.

First off, yes, I do want another child. My dh does not. I would be willing to go through pregnancy with diabetes. I think that I have coping strategies for sleep deprivation, though those would likely go out the window when I was actually seriously sleep deprived. But you know what? The decision is not because of my health. I'm not willing to bring a child into a relationship where one partner absolutely does not want that child. And that partner who doesn't want one? Despite the fact that I have diabetes, that partner is NOT ME.

Let's deconstruct. Curing diabetes with pregnancy. Pregnancy is challenging with type one. It doesn't improve things. How can something that pushes your body's systems improve things? And breastfeeding another...while it does lower blood sugar, from past experience I know that all night breastfeeding can also lead to severe low blood sugar.

The main thing that drives me crazy about these comments is the desire to cure me. People with any chronic illness work on accepting it. That's all you can do. Yes, you can work to manage it and work and hope for a cure. But a lot of this is about acceptance. It really is. And you know, those people with the good intentions who pat you on the shoulder and tell you that it's not so bad, there will be a cure next year? They don't help.

An imaginary cure is useful for people. It provides a way to sideline the situation. You will be cured. You are cured. Everything is fine. I've solved the problem. You're no longer dealing with this. Let's move on now.

Carefully-honed acceptance is a fine, fine thing. It's not a default emotional position. It's something I've worked on and thought through. Let it be.